The Sanity's Gotten Away Again
by Rage Aomori
Summary: Fun randomness galore. Severe glomping, character bashing, and attacking of coffee mugs. OOCness is rampant! THE RUBBER DUCKIE HAS BEEN STOLEN! No plot, by the way. Or, is there...?
1. Chapter One: Food, Coffee, and Screams!

Rage: Hello, you strange, starved, deprived little people you! I dunno how this popped up, but it did! WATCH THE MATRIX RELOADED OR BE OVER-RIDDEN BY RAVAGE COFFEEBEANS!  
  
Reika: Ain't that supposed to be 'savage'? Not 'ravage'?  
  
Rage: Hush, you.  
  
Anyhoo. Enjoy! Or be hunted to the ground by my coffee mug army... Mwuhahahaha!  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IN HERE! I am myself. Reika-chan is Reika- chan. The coffee beans are coffee beans. The evil pumpkin-headed-Man is the evil-pumpkin-headed-Man. Nobody owns Kakashi. Kakashi owns Boku. Understand? No? Too bad for you. NOW READ!  
  
Be warned. Extreme OOCness lurks behind every corner. Do not be surprised to see a drunken Neo dancing on a table top with a lamp shade on his head. This fic is the result of a whole day of caffeine, sugar, and Matrix, punctuated by Reika's constant bouncing about whilst screaming something about Twins... Beware. Several male characters will be severely and thoroughly glomped. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it. You'll just wind up encouraging her. Everything encourages her.  
  
Reika: ^_^  
  
This takes place during the events of Reloaded and times that I do not know of. So..... SPOILER ALERT!!!! The spoilers will range from little to humongous.  
  
Plot? What plot? There's supposed to be a plot? Darn...  
  
I cannot guarantee the safety of your sanity. Be forewarned. Mwahahahahaha....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The day was sunny, hot, with a light, gentle breeze playing on the faces of those many people puttering about on their way to do whatever business they had to do in the midst of a summer inferno. Many did not notice, or decided not to take note of at all, the three strange people standing in the middle of the street, huddled around a steaming hot-dog stand overseen by a sweating, tortured-looking man in a ketchup-stained apron. What made them strange was that they wore long, shiny, black leather coats and heavy, hot- looking black leather clothes. One could pass out from heat-stroke just by looking at their garments and thinking of the current day's temperature, which was a sweltering 36 degrees Celsius.  
  
Neo: Why are we here? *eats hot-dog*  
  
Trinity: Don't talk with your mouth full!  
  
Morpheus: She's right. We are here for a reason, you know.  
  
Neo: I didn't say we didn't have a reason.... *eats another hot-dog*  
  
Trinity: I said 'Don't talk with your mouth full!'!  
  
Morpheus: Right. We are here to... uh.... to....  
  
Neo: Free another poor soul?  
  
Morpheus: Yes! Exactly! We are here to free another poor soul!  
  
Trinity: But, you told me we came here for the hot-dogs...  
  
Morpheus: *panicky* Look! Over there! That's a prime candidate for freeing, don't you think?  
  
Neo: ............................................ It's a lamp post.....  
  
Morpheus: I meant the person standing beside it!  
  
Neo: Ooooooooooohhhhhh............... I knew that! ^_^  
  
Trinity: -_-'  
  
Strange Person Standing Beside Lamp Post: *sipping from an overly large mug in unnatural contentment* ^_^  
  
Neo: *walks up to S.P.S.B.L.P* Hey there! *slaps S.P.S.B.L.P on the back. Hard*  
  
Strange Person Standing Beside Lamp Post: *slapped* *spits out coffee and drops the overly large mug in surprise and shock* O_O  
  
Neo: *in an extremely annoying T.V salesperson sort of way* Do you need saving today? ^_^  
  
Trinity and Morpheus: -_-'  
  
Strange Person Standing Beside Lamp Post: *stares at fallen mug and spilled coffee as eye twitches madly*  
  
Neo: Red Pill or Blue Pill?  
  
S.P.S.B.L.P: *raises head to stare at Neo* *trembles from head to foot* Y- you.... you....  
  
Neo: This isn't a real wor... Hey! What are you staring at? *notices the trembling* Erm... you cold?  
  
Everyone Within Hearing Distance: *fall over anime-style*  
  
S.P.S.B.L.P: You.... spilled..... my.... COFFEE!!!  
  
Neo: Huh? *looks down* Oh.... whoops!  
  
S.P.S.B.L.P: *trembles madly* For this sin... YOU DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! *lunges at Neo*  
  
Neo: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!! *runs*  
  
S.P.S.B.L.P: FEEL MY WRATH OF WRATH'S!!!!!!! *swings empty coffee mug and chases Neo towards the heart of the sweltering city*  
  
Trinity: Oooooooooookaaaaaaayyyyy..... That was strange.  
  
Morpheus: *eating a relish drowned hot-dog* ^_^  
  
Trinity: Urgh... *blinks* Remind again... just why are we wearing black leather in this weather? And sunglasses in the middle of the night?  
  
Morpheus: It makes us look cool.  
  
Trinity: Ah...  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
Merovingian: Mwaha! The Key-Maker is mine! MIIIIIIIINE! Now... nobody can lock me out of the bathroom! Or in, for that matter. Especially after that time that I...  
  
Persephone: I don't think we need to know that, you know.  
  
Merovingian: It's not my fault! Someone put ExLax in my double-chocolate cake sundae...  
  
Twin #1: *snickers*  
  
Twin #2: *whistles innocently*  
  
Merovingian: ...And you cannot just ignore something like that!  
  
Persephone: You're a program! You're not affected by ExLax!  
  
Merovingian: ....................................................... it was a well written ExLax.  
  
Persephone: Riiiiiight..... anyhoo..... Do you think the Rebel thingamajigs will come after the Key-Maker?  
  
Merovingian: Oh, don't worry. They'll come. Their Oracle will tell them. *gets a dark look* She said she'd send me cookies. She lies. I've never seen them around.  
  
Twins: *hurredly stuff away large box of home-made chocolate chip cookies whilst looking as innocent as possible*  
  
Henchmen: *quickly jam cookies into mouths, attempting to look as innocent as possible and failing utterly*  
  
Merovingian: *sighs* Be on your guard. They'll be meeting with the scheming liar soon... *grumbles* *glares at Henchmen* And get me some more cookies! NOW!  
  
Henchmen: YES SIR! *cast envious glares at the Twins, who had remained in their seats and were now enjoying their pilfered cookies*  
  
Twins: ^_^  
  
Persephone: *looks puzzled* What's that?  
  
Everyone quiets. A faint sound of pounding footsteps and a shrill sort of squealing giggling could be heard in the far distance. Several moments of silence pass before the dubious peace is broken by several loud bangs, explosions, and the sound of rapid and heavy gunfire. This goes on for about three minutes before silence falls yet again.  
  
Merovingian: Well... whatever it was, it's most likely gone now.  
  
Henchmen: *crestfallen*  
  
Henchman 1: *nervous* Um.... sir? Do you think it's.... safe.... to go out there? The guards don't usually just start blasting someone or something for no reason, you know.  
  
Henchman 2: Yeah!  
  
Henchman 3: Can't your cookies wait 'till later?  
  
Henchwoman: *slowly munching on pilfered cookie*  
  
Henchman 4: *brightens* We're supposed to be on our guard, right? We can't be on our guard if we're out for cookies! What if someone were to attack you, sir? Just two.... er.... people isn't enough for your protection!  
  
Twin #1: *glares* You think we're not capable of defending the Merovingian?  
  
Twin #2: *glares* You think we cannot fight off the Merovingian's assailant?  
  
Twins: For that you die! *lunge*  
  
Henchman 4: O_O AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *runs for dear life*  
  
Persephone: *blinks* *stares out the window* Erm... *blinks again*  
  
Twin #2: You hesitated in calling us people!  
  
Twin #1: You doubt our power!  
  
Twins: DIE!!!  
  
Henchman 4: O_O MOMMY!!! HALP! OW! AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @_@  
  
Persephone: Um... Mero, dear...  
  
Merovingian: Don't call me that.  
  
Persephone: Is THAT the One you've been ranting about earlier? *points to the street below*  
  
Merovingian: *looks out the window* Hmm? O_O *spits out champaign* What the...?  
  
Henchman 4: OW! OH, THE PAIN!!!! OOWWWCHIIIEEESSS!!! YYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Twins: Never insult us again!  
  
Far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far below, running about in the streets, screaming at the top of his considerably and now obviously powerful lungs, was Neo, followed closely by the Strange Person Standing Beside Lamp Post, now known as Psychotically Angered Person, who was waving the overly large coffee mug, which had somehow sprouted spikes, nails, razors, and any multitude of sharp, pointy, dangerous objects, above his head.  
  
Psychotically Angered Person: YOU SPILLED MY COFFEE!!!! MY COOOOFFFFFEEEEEEEE!!! NYAGH!  
  
Neo: YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! !!!!!!  
  
Merovingian: He's come! Hah! And in under a half-hour! Pay up boy!  
  
Henchman 2: Dammit. *hands over money*  
  
Henchman 4: OW! OOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!! MERCY! MEEEERRRRRCYYYYYY!!!!!!  
  
Twins: *chuckle evilly*  
  
Persephone: I don't think he's gonna come up here... He looks busy.  
  
Neo: *runs into building across the street. Literally runs into it* @_@ Ow.  
  
Psychotically Angered Person: *waves lethal mug around* You spilled coffee! DIE! *lunges, mug extended*  
  
Neo: YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! *dashes into the building*  
  
P.A.P: Get back here and suffer! SUFFER!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *coughs madly* *resumes chasing*  
  
Merovingian: Dammit! He's supposed to come HERE! *glares down at the street*  
  
Henchman 4: I'M SORRY!!! IIIIII'M SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!! OUCHIES!!!!!!!!  
  
Twin #1: Apology accepted.  
  
Twin #2: Never insult us again.  
  
Henchman 4: You can stop now, you know... OOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!  
  
Twins: Make us.  
  
Henchman 4: AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @_@  
  
Twins: *chuckle evilly*  
  
Merovingian: *glares*  
  
Persephone: What do we do now?  
  
Merovingian: Send him *jerks thumb at Henchman 4, who was currently absorbed in rolling on the floor in agony* to the hospital. Emergency ward. We'll be needing him. And get those two something else to torture... I CANNOT afford new henchmen every week!  
  
Henchmen: *drag away 4, staying a good distance away from the Twins, who were licking their knives and grinning evilly*  
  
Henchman 4: Medic.... X_X  
  
Twins: *watch as Henchman 4 is dragged away* *return to seats*  
  
Persephone: I'm hungry.  
  
Merovingian: Me too. What about you two?  
  
Twins: *look up from licking their fingers clean of a suspicious red liquid*  
  
Merovingian: And then again, never mind.  
  
Twin #1: Want some? *holds out red-splattered hand*  
  
Twin #2: Very good.  
  
Merovingian: Er.... *looks towards the door where the Henchmen disappeared through, and where 4's screams could still be heard* No... thanks....  
  
Twins: ^_^  
  
Persephone: Waiter!  
  
MEANWHILE (yet again)  
  
Trinity: I'm sure they came through here. *looks into garbage can*  
  
Morpheus: That's what the people say. Just look for wreckage or something.... why are you looking in there?  
  
Trinity: *looks up from plastic garbage bag* Well... that guy was pretty mad. I just supposed that I should search in these things just in case he caught Neo.  
  
Morpheus: -_-' Oookay then! *looks around* Over there! *points at building, which has a very Neo-shaped hole beside the door* They went in here!  
  
Trinity: Let's go! Neo's still got the combination to my underwear drawer!  
  
Morpheus: O_o............. I'm not going to comment. Let's go! *dashes in through the hole*  
  
Trinity: Dammit Neo... could've told me before you went and got yourself chased by a coffee mug-wielding quack... *follows* *fans self with newspaper* WHY are we wearing black leather?  
  
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET  
  
Guard 1: Catch her!  
  
Guard 2: Quickly!  
  
Guard 3: SHE BIT ME! MY GOD, SHE BIT ME!!!  
  
Guard 4: She's in the vents! She's in the vents!  
  
Guard 5: The Merovingian's gonna kill us!  
  
Guard 6: @_@  
  
Guard 7: She stole my duckie!  
  
Guard 1: We have to catch her!  
  
Voice from vents: *giggles madly*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Bwaha! I did it!  
  
No worries, yes? More to come.  
  
Read and Review! I'll be eternally happy if you do! And I just may continue if I recieve at least one.  
  
If you have any comments or so on improving this, go right ahead. Flames are dutifully ignored. And as I said. Spoilers. Later chapters will be chock full o' 'em. We do not like Trinity all that much. Expect major Persephone bashing later on. ^_^ Reika's doing. Not mine. 


	2. Chapter Two: Stairs, Doors, and Custard ...

YOU REVIEWED! I'm so happy! Reviewers thanks at the end. I love you people...  
  
That you're reading this means that you want more. And for your enjoyment, I have randomly selected one character to give you the disclaimer. Mr. Smith, if you please.  
  
Agent Smith: ............................................  
  
Um, Mr. Smith?  
  
Agent Smith: ............................................  
  
I'll sic Reika on you.  
  
Agent Smith: *in a deadpan sort of voice* Rage Aomori does not own the Matrix or anything even remotely related to it. All characters related to the Matrix are property to the honnored and revered Wachowski Brothers. Reika does not own the Twins nor Agent Smith, althoguh she wishes she did. *blinks at cue cards* *edges away*  
  
Darn right we don't own anything! *sniff*  
  
Extreme OOCness involved. Idiocy. Character bashing. Twin and Agent glomping. You get the picture. Spoilers ahoy!  
  
Reika: *squee*  
  
Chapter Two for you. Enjoy. Or implode.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was nearing noon, the sun rising to it's scorching zenith, deep-frying the many, crowded people in the streets of the city below. Of course, being human, they didn't mind. Not really. The occasional curse and weather complaint drifted out from the roiling, colorful cotton mass, quickly swallowed up by the towering skyscrapers gleaming in the sun above. Main Street. A hustling bustling center, a core, of usually all cities. The metropolis of shops and stores where you may not find anything else elsewhere: Clothing, food, insurance, real estate, oddities, tidbits, cosmetics, coffee, tea, toys, oxygen, books, facials, overly expensive hair- dos... all that one could dream of. Cafes were quite popular. It was in one of these that the people, much like the ones by the hot-dog stand earlier, ignored the three dark-suited men seated about a small, shiny, black table, steaming mugs clutched in their virtually similat hands.  
  
Agent Johnson: So. How was your day? *sips delicately at tea*  
  
Agent Thompson: Quite well, thank you. Yours?  
  
Agent Jackson: I'm very fine today...  
  
Agent Johnson: Such a lovely day today, isn't it?  
  
Agent Thompson: Very lovely indeed.  
  
Agent Jackson: Yes. Very lovely. Say. Why don't we go for a stroll in the park after this?  
  
Agent Johnson: Why not? It's lovely out enough.  
  
Agent Thompson: Then after that we can get some ice cream!  
  
Agent Jackson: Yes! That's a perfect idea! Let's finish, shall we?  
  
Agent Johnson: Yes. Let's... *blinks* Oh, bother...  
  
Agent Thompson: The Rebels have returned.  
  
Agent Jackson: Damn them. And on a day like this...  
  
Agent Johnson: It's our priority. They are only human, after all.  
  
Agent Thompson: *sighs* Oh well... it was a nice plan, anyhow... anybe after we're finished with them?  
  
Agent Jackson: Sounds good. Let's go.  
  
Agents: *rise from the table and leave in an orderly manner*  
  
MEANWHILE, two blocks away, on the twelfth floor of an office building...  
  
Neo: *hides behind cabinet* *clutches chest, gasping frantically for breath* Dear God!  
  
P.A.P: *prowls around cubicles and desks* Come out, come out, wherever you are...  
  
Neo: *shudders* Mommy... will this ever end... *looks around* *sees Emergency Fire Escape Stairwell Door* Ah Ha!  
  
P.A.P: I can hear your breath. I can smell your fear...  
  
Neo: *gulps* *blinks* Hey.... Waitaminute! I'm the One! I'm destined to save the Matrix and Zion from destruction! I cannot be found cowering behind here like a... a... coward! I AM DA ONE! *stands up abruptly*  
  
P.A.P: AAAAAGGHHH!!! *falls over* *begins coughing uncontrollably*  
  
Neo: *not noticing anything* I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED! YOU CANNOT SCARE ME! I. AM. DA. ONE!!! *holds up clenched fist superhero style* I AM INVINCIBLE!  
  
P.A.P: *regains breath* Let's test that theory, shall we? *leaps*  
  
Neo: MEEP! *runs for Emergency Fire Escape Stairwell Door*  
  
P.A.P: SUFFER!!!  
  
MEANWHILE, two floors down...  
  
Trinity: *gasps for breath, clutching side* Why... couldn't... we... take... the ... bloody... elevator?  
  
Morpheus: *pumping up the stairs with apparent ease* It does not add to our coolness.  
  
Trinity: Ah. Right. WHY did I have to wear BLACK latex? *continues on*  
  
Morpheus: You're getting lazy, Trin. We must be fit in order to keep up our cool composure.  
  
Trinity: R-right... *gasps* *attempts to keep up*  
  
Neo: *crashes through Emergency Fire Escape Stairwell Door just as Morpheus and Trinity reach the landing*  
  
Morpheus: *gets hit by flying door. Full force. In the face* Ow.  
  
Trinity: O_O YEEK!  
  
Neo: *crashes into Trinity* AGH!  
  
Neo&Trinity: *proceed to tumble ungracefully down twelve flights of stairs*  
  
P.A.P: *steps onto the landing* *looks around* Er... hello? Where'd everyone go?  
  
Morpheus: *sticks very disheveled arm out from behind door and points* *muffled* I think they fell down the stairs...  
  
Neo&Trinity: Ow *thud* Ow! *thud* Ow! *thud* Ow! *thud* *thud* *thud* *thud* *thuds gradualy begin to grow fainter*  
  
P.A.P: Oh. *heads back into the office* *makes a beeline for the coffee- maker*  
  
Morpheus: @_@  
  
MEANWHILE, in the building across the street, sitting in a very posh-ish restaurant...  
  
Merovingian: What IS that? It's coming from the vents...  
  
Persephone: Sounds too big to be vermin.  
  
Henchman 2: Does that sound like giggling?  
  
Henchman 1: It keeps coming from over there. *points at spot above the Twins heads*  
  
Twins: *blink* *look up*  
  
Merovingian: *glares* You didn't put something up there again, did you? The last thing I need is another body falling into my dessert.  
  
Twin #1: We didn't know where to put it!  
  
Twin #2: It wouldn't fit into the trash...  
  
Merovingian: *grimaces* Just... don't do it again, yes?  
  
Twins: ^_^  
  
Persephone: *listens* You're right... there's something giggling up there.  
  
Henchman 2: *sniffs* What's that smell?  
  
Henchwoman: Smells like... custard!  
  
Henchman 3: I'm hungry.  
  
Merovingian: *reaches for pie* Nonsense! I have the only custard pie in this place... Hey! *looks around frantically* My pie!  
  
Persephone: AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All: *scramble around either go to Persephone's aid or find a place to hide*  
  
Henchwoman: See? I told you! Custard! *points at Persephone, who was gurgling in furious misery at the mass of gooey, custardy goodness splattered over her head and upper body*  
  
Persephone: My hair! My beautifully expensive sculptured hair!  
  
Merovingian: My custard! My beautifully gooey tasty custard! *sob*  
  
Henchmen: *dash to their masters aid, attempting to ignore the Twins, who were busy rolling on the floor, virtually crying in mirth, clutching their sides helplessly*  
  
Persephone: Be quiet! You there! Get me a towel! Mero! Rewrite this now!  
  
Merovingian: *doesn't hear a thing* My poor, poor pie... so short a life, and so tragic an ending! Forgive me for not loving you as I should have loved you... *begins babbling in rapid French*  
  
Persephone: *slaps him upside the head with rubber duckie*  
  
Merovingian: Ow.  
  
Guard: *bursts in* *extremely dishevelled, singed, bruised, and foot-print riddled* MY RUBBER DUCKIE!!! *dashes to the table*  
  
Persephone: *stares* Where'd this come from?  
  
Guard: *snatches up rubber duckie* Mine! ^_^ *dashes out*  
  
Twin #1: *attempting valiantly to stay on feet while helping Twin #2 stand up*  
  
Twin #2: *collapses in mirth, taking Twin #1 down as well*  
  
Merovingian: Hopeless... *sighs sadly* My poor custard...  
  
Persephone: Oh, shut up! Rewrite this!  
  
Merovingian: Yes, dear...  
  
In the street below... (the word 'MEANWHILE' was getting on my nerves...)  
  
Neo&Trinity: *come tumbling out from the fire escape stairwell, scattering people everywhere like colorful bowling pins, complete with sound effects* *land at the Oracle's feet*  
  
Oracle: *looks down* Oh, hello dears! ^_^  
  
Neo: *gagging* Hi...  
  
Trinity: *has Neo in a headlock*  
  
Neo: @_@  
  
Oracle: How are you today?  
  
Neo: *in a very choked, squeaky sort of voice* Fine, thank you...  
  
Oracle: That's good.  
  
Trinity: You change the combination on my undies drawer and then you decide to bring me along on your ride down the bloody stairs! What kind of lover are you?  
  
Neo: *in that same choked, squeaky sort of voice* I assure you, it won't happen again! I can't breathe very well, by the way...  
  
Trinity: Are you sorry?  
  
Neo: Eternally!  
  
Trinity: *mollified* All right then. *gets up off of Neo*  
  
Neo: *gasps* Dear God... I saw my life flash before my eyes... I never knew I dressed in drag...  
  
Trinity: I'll ignore that.  
  
Oracle: *digs in purse* Candy?  
  
Neo: Candy! Yay! ^_^  
  
Trinity: -_-' I'd better go check on Morpheus... *traipses off into the building*  
  
Oracle: So...  
  
Neo: So...  
  
Oracle: Nice day, isn't it?  
  
Neo:...................  
  
Seraph: *comes dashing from out of nowhere* Oracle! *steps on Neo, who was still on the ground*  
  
Neo: YURK! *is stepped on*  
  
Oracle: Oh, hello there. ^_^  
  
Seraph: Please don't go wandering off like that...  
  
Oracle: Very well. Come along, then!  
  
Seraph: *grabs Neo by the foot and proceeds to drag him after the Oracle*  
  
Neo: @_@ *dragged*  
  
Oracle: Here we are! *points at pink door*  
  
Seraph: *lets go on Neo* *Whips out shiny key and opens the door, not into the fuzzy pink room within, but into an eternal corridor of white with green doors* After you. *bows courtiously*  
  
Oracle: Such a good boy... *proceeds*  
  
Seraph: *resumes dragging Neo after the Oracle* *manages to get Neo stuck in the door* Whoops...  
  
Neo: Owie... *stuck between the door*  
  
A few doors away...  
  
Trinity: *steps out onto the sidewalk* Where did they go?  
  
Morpheus: *looking oddly flattened* Hmm... he was with the Oracle, you say?  
  
Trinity: Yeah. She gave him candy. *pouts* She didn't give me any...  
  
Morpheus: I can see why.  
  
Trinity: Let's jack out. My hair gel's melting again. It's getting in my eyes.  
  
Morpheus: I thought you used lard...  
  
Trinity: SHHHHH!!! Peopel will HEAR you! *looks around shiftily*  
  
Morpheus: ........... okay, then... *whips out cell phone* Link? Get us out of here. And no bathroom breaks this time...  
  
Link: Alrighty then! Look around for a pink door. Inside is a fuzzy pink room. Closest possible hardline...  
  
Morpheus: ................................... Alright then *breaks connection*................................  
  
Trinity: Let's go! *marches off*  
  
Morpheus: I don't like pink... *follows*  
  
In a strange little park...  
  
Neo: *sitting on a bench, ignoring the imprint of a door and wall on his chest*  
  
Oracle: So. Do you knwo why you're here?  
  
Neo: Um... Candy?  
  
Oracle:....................  
  
Neo: *blinks* *thinks hard* A purpose?  
  
Oracle: Very bright, aren't you?  
  
Neo: Yup!  
  
Oracle: Do you know anything about exiled programs?  
  
Neo: Nope.  
  
Oracle: You do. You hear about them all the time.  
  
Neo: I do? Wow...  
  
Oracle: You know all those stories about ghosts, and angels? Of werewolves and vampires?  
  
Neo: Yeeeeaaaahhh.....  
  
Oracle: Those are caused by.... er.... something...  
  
Seraph: By the Matrix assimilating something not needed.  
  
Oracle: Ah! Yes! Something like that. ^_^  
  
Neo: Okay then...  
  
Oracle: Have another candy.  
  
Neo: I feel I must be hesitant and questioning. You know I'm gonna take that, don't you?  
  
Oracle: I wouldn't be very much of an Oracle if I didn't, now would I?  
  
Neo:............................................  
  
Oracle: It's all a matter of... something.  
  
Neo: Choice?  
  
Oracle: Yes! Choice! Exactly!  
  
Neo: So.... the problem of all is choice?  
  
Oracle: Yes! Good boy! *pats him on the head*  
  
Neo: ^_^  
  
Oracle: ^_^  
  
Neo: You know, I can't help but feel that you're not human. Neither is he. *nods at Seraph*  
  
Oracle: Ping! On the dot!  
  
Neo: Sooo.... what are you then? Programs?  
  
Oracle: Bingo!  
  
Neo: I'm talkin' to a program of the Matrix... you're gonna kill me!  
  
Oracle: There's no way I can say I'm not. No way I can make you know you can trust me.  
  
Neo: *inches away, almost off the bench*  
  
Oracle: See them birds? *nods at crows* There's a program made to watch them, and the air, and the sky...  
  
Neo: There's a program for everything?  
  
Oracle: Virtually. But there are programs who decide to go into exile instead of being deleted.  
  
Neo: *like a little kid* Why do they get deleted?  
  
Oracle: Because they aren't needed anymore. either that, or they've made someone mad...  
  
Neo: Ah.  
  
Oracle: And not all exiles are nice... like vampires, for instance... nasty little blood suckers, they are. Make nice bonfires at dawn, though.  
  
Neo: ......................................................  
  
Oracle: Best place to go if you want to keep Zion safe is to the maker of the Matrix. The core if it all!  
  
Neo: Where is this core?  
  
Oracle: Somewhere. I forget.  
  
Neo: Ah. I'll have to find out for myself, eh?  
  
Oracle: Yup. And you'll be needing one of those Exiled programs to help get to the source.  
  
Neo: Ooohhh... Whozzat?  
  
Oracle: You'll need the KeyMaker... *rummages in bag*  
  
Neo: KeyMaker?  
  
Oracle: Uh Huh... *sticks head in bag* disappeared a while ago. No idea where he went, though... never left a number or anything... *muffled* The Merovingian's got 'im, I think. I suppose that's why we can't find 'im... Ah Ha! *pulls out pink key and piece of paper* Here you go. *hands Neo the paper* *pockets the key*  
  
Neo: Merovingian? *stares at the paper*  
  
Oracle: An old program. Very old. And dangerous, oh yes... *gets dark look* Old geezer... make fun of MY baking, will you? I've never seen you pick up a wooden spoon...  
  
Seraph: Um, Oracle? It's time.  
  
Oracle: Be a good little boy, yes? *pats Neo on the head and toddles after Seraph*  
  
Seraph: *holds open door* *places rock to hold it open*  
  
Neo: Am I supposed to go too?  
  
Seraph: No. I forgot something.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Seraph: This. *performs a flying kick to Neo's head*  
  
Neo: O_O AAAIIEE!!! *ducks*  
  
Seraph: *proceeds to beat the peripheral crap out of Neo*  
  
Neo: *attempts to keep from getting the peripheral crap beaten out of him* MOMMY!  
  
Seraph: *stops* *bows* *dashes through the door*  
  
Neo: *lies on the ground, gasping for breath* Today is not my day...  
  
Very Familiar Voice: Apparently not.  
  
Neo: *freezes* *looks towards the source of the voice* Eh?  
  
Agent Smith: Nice to see you again, Mr. Anderson.  
  
Neo: *twitches*  
  
Agent Smith: *smiles in that Agent Smith-y sort of way* I have to thank you for freeing me.  
  
Neo: Ah... yeah. I got your package.  
  
Agent Smith: Good.  
  
Neo: *climbs to feet* So... how did you come to be standing here in front of me?  
  
Agent Smith: I don't know... something overwritten? Copied? Doesn't matter... *smiles again*  
  
Neo: Uh huh... *inches away*  
  
Agent Smith: Funny thing, Mr. Anderson. Funny indeed. I have no idea how it happened, but I'm quite sure I killed you. *glares* I watched you die! And yet, here you are, standing in front of me, apparently healthy, well...  
  
Neo: Shows what you know...  
  
Agent Smith: Hush, you! *clears throat* But, now that I'm apparently free, like you, I have one little thing I must do...  
  
Neo: Go to the bathroom?  
  
Agent smith: *ignores* You see, there's one thing out there for me...  
  
Neo: And what's that? *edging towards the exit*  
  
Agent Smith: It's purpose, Mr,. Anderson. Purpose.  
  
Neo: Ah... interesting...  
  
Agent Smith: You see, it's purpose that drives us.  
  
Smith 2: Purpose that binds us.  
  
Smith 3: Purpose that holds us.  
  
Neo: *blinks* *surrounded by a dozen Agent Smiths* Damn.  
  
Agent Smith: One of our purposes is to take your purpose, and make it our own...  
  
Neo: *trembles* *snaps* WHY IS THE WORLD AGAINST ME?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes. That is the end of this chapter. Too bad for you.  
  
MoUsE4eVa: You'll see where it goes soon enough. Oh, you'll see... mwuhahaha...  
  
MoRbId ChIlD: I'll try... hmm... albino jamacians... interesting concept.  
  
Bagheera: I thank you for your review. It joys us to read such a thing.  
  
Audrey A: Oh, don't worry. Persephone's Kiss ain't gonna get as far as that, even... *cackles madly*  
  
Sorrow Reminisce: Yes. This is a random story thingie with lotsa character bashings. Can you tell who's getting the brunt of the attack here? The little O_O's and ^_^'s are just a way of showing stupidity and randomness.  
  
Pat O' Cake: Trin's undies drawer gets a cameo. Do not worry. Mushrooms, eh? Hmm...  
  
Kat: The Twins get into a hellovalota mischief, I assure you. Under the influence of Reika, sadly...  
  
Reika: Hey!  
  
Stormhawk: Insane? Moi? Hah! *wards off men in white coats*  
  
Oddwen: Agent Smith hath arrived!  
  
HellFighter: Back, creature! Back! Twins are ours! *glomps recaptured Twins* Everything in here is completely OOC. Except us.  
  
pyromaniac firework: Thanks to you, I have something to torture Trin with now. Lard... Behehehehehe...  
  
CHAPTER 3 SOON TO COME! Gimme more reviews and I'll get it to you as fast as I am allowed. 


	3. Chapter Three: Three Dozen Smiths and a ...

Here is Chapter Three for you. And I have taken the privelege of getting a character to read you the disclaimers. Onward, Twin #1!

Twin #1: *in highly cultured, sophisticated voice* Rage Aomori does not claim ownership of the Matrix or anything related to it. All rights and properties belong to Larry and Andy Wachowski.

Reika: *struggles against chains madly* WAI!!! BISHOUNEN!!!! MINE! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!

Twin #2: *glares* Says who? *pouts* 

Twin #1: ^_^ *hugs #2* We'll kill them all later. Don't worry.

Twin #2: ^_^

Reika: O_O *evaporates from all the fluffy, Twinnish goodness*

Erm.... Well now. Let's get a move on, shall we?

Extreme OOCness galore. Character bashings, idiocy, some gore, the destruction of pies and expensive hair-dos... the usual. As I said. Spoilers. Do be warned. 

 Chapter Three.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noon was just slightly passed. The sun still broiled in the sky, still cooked the people below like cotton and polyester wrapped sausages in sandals and sunblock. The sky was as blue as moldy cheese, and in the heart of such a city, smelled much like one too. The clouds floated ahead, teasingly, little puffs of white, pointing their poofy, fat little cloud fingers at the poor, sweating mass below them. They pointed and betted on the swarm of black that was mobbed about in a small, fenced in park, on the lone, dark-clad figure screaming at them from the center of the mob. They laughed at the expression of sheer horror, anger, and hunger on the poor man's face. 

Neo: *falls to knees* WHY ME?

Smiths: *blink*

Neo: What did I do to deserve this? WHAT DID I DO?

Smith: Theorhetically, you killed us... or think you did. 

Neo: *blinks* I did, didn't I?

Smith 1: You did.

Smith 2: You think you did.

Smith 3: You'll be wishing you did.

Neo: Will you please stop with that? I'm getting a headache trying to see which one said what.

Smith: Stop what?

Smiths: Stop what?

Neo: That!

Smith 4: What?

Smith 5: Which one?

Smith 6: That?

Neo: CUT IT OUT!

Smiths: Cut what out?

Neo: *puffs up like a toad that swallowed a helium balloon* *glares*

Smiths: *smile*

Smith: *sticks hand into Neo's chest* Be one of us.

Neo: O_O AGH! *overcome by slimyish black stuff* 

Smiths: *smile*

Neo: *black stuff disappears* HA!

Smiths: *frown*

Smith: You're going down... *tackles*

Neo: O_o *dodges*

Smiths 1-4: *begin attacking*

Neo: Dammit. Why me...?

MEANWHILE, on the Nebuchadezzar...

Morpheus: *peeks into Trinity's room* Um...?

Trinity: *crouched on the floor beside the bunk*

Morpheus: Trin...? *blinks* 

Trinity: *removes camoflage plate from floor* *begins punching in combination to lock*

Morpheus: *assumes 'spy mode'*

Trinity: *opens lock to reveal... The Underwear Drawer*

Morpheus: *freezes utterly*

Trinity: *starts rifling through The Underwear Drawer* Dammit... you better not have taken it Neo... I'll use your hide as my underwear...

Morpheus: *passes out from panty overload* 

Trinity: Ha! He didn't get it! My lovely... *pulls out pair of poofy white undies*

Link: *from the front* Trinity! Morpheus!

Trinity: ^_^ Coming! *locks up drawer* *pockets undies* I'd better change the combination soon... *opens door vigorously* *steps on Morpheus*

Morpheus: *gets hit by door* Ow. *stepped on* Double Ow.

Trinity: Don't think I didn't hear you at the door earlier...

Morpheus: @_@

Five minutes Later...

Morpheus: *with footprint on face* What is it?

Link: *blinks* *stares* Er... there... *points at screen* Buncha Smiths ganged up on Neo...

Trinity: Dammit! How'd he do that?

Morpheus: Smith? I thought he was dead?

Link: Whole lot of 'im...

Trinity: How does he do that?

Morpheus: Neo's doing well...

Link: Good fighter, yep...

Trinity: How does he DO that? *envious* I wanna multiply!

Morpheus: *has a sudden coughing fit*

Link: *whistles loudly*

Trinity: *looks from one to the other* What?

Both: Nothing!

Trinity: Damn right it better be nothing...

Both: ^_^'

In the Matrix...

Neo: Dammit! OW! THAT WAS MY HEAD!

Smith 2: *notices foot print on Neo's back* None of us...

Smith 3: Made that...

Neo: *blinks* I got stepped on.

Smiths: *snicker* *resume attacking*

Neo: Aaaaagh....

Several minutes later...

Neo: How many of you ARE there? *looks around in disbelief*

If anyone had bothered to look into the little excuse for a city park, they would have been faced with a mass of black suited men. And a very disgruntled looking man in the very center of the roiling, hostile mob.

Neo: *sighs in exasperation* Shoulda punched him when I saw him...

Smiths: *smile evilly* *begin attacking*

Several MORE minutes later...

Neo: *now swatting back the many Smiths with a metal bar* This feels surprisingly good...

Smith 7: *gets hit in the midriff* O_O

Smith 21: *gets blasted out of the park entirely* @_@

Neo: I think I'm having fun...

Even MORE minutes later...

Neo: *getting swarmed by Smiths* AIIIIEEEE!!!!

Smith 3: Dogpile! ^_^

Smith: There's no escaping us.

Smith 36: No escaping.

Smith 71: We destroyed you once, we can do it again.

Neo: You're getting wrinkles in my coat...

Smiths: *chuckle darkly*

Neo: That's it! I've had enough! *Stands up. Smiths fly in all directions* 

Smith: Get back here!

Neo: Toodles! *flies out Superman style*

Smiths: *blink* *look around* *meander off*

Neo: *manages to get lost in cloud* Dammit!

Back on the Nebuchadezzar...

Trinity: Wow. So many Smiths... it hurt the eyes...

Morpheus: There was a lot.

Neo: He's like a dandelion! One minute, there's just one! One harmless little dandelion! The next minute, there's a whole frickin' feild of 'em! He's a dandelion! A DANDELION! He's a friggin' DANDELION!!! *begins to hyperventilate*

Trinity: Geez! Calm down! He's in the Matrix, and you're not. *pats Neo on the back* It's all right. *in a voice usually used with babies, very small children, and the sanity deprived* He's not going to get you now. you're safe. Don't worry. And besides. Dandelions can be stepped on, can't they?

Neo: *begins to calm down* Yeah... Yeah! That's right! Dandelions can be stepped on! And burnt... and wilted... And... *goes on about the things that can be done to and with dandelions*

Morpheus: ........ Right. And, you know what? We should find the Oracle now...

Link: *from kitchen* Dinners ready! *rings bell*

Trinity: Great! Glop! Let's go!

MEANWHILE, in the Matrix, in the posh restaurant thingie..

Merovingian: What is causing that INFERNAL giggling? *glares at ceiling*

Persephone: *now ducked under an umbrella* Can't nail me now. Can't nail me now...  *mutters madly* My poor hair-do...

Twins: *snicker in remembrance* *resume the torturing of a new Henchman*

Henchman 5: OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYY!!!!!! MERCY!!! I SAID MERCY, DAMMIT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Henchmen: *on the other side of the room* *wince in sympathy and clutch at limbs in sympathetic pain*

Twin #1: *chuckles evilly*

Twin #2: *smiles in a dangerously cheerful sort of way*

Henchman 5: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! @_O

Merovingian: QUIET, DAMMIT!!!

Henchman 5: AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII--- *screaming cuts off abruptly*

Henchmen: *wince simultaneously*

Henchman 1: Oohh... *turns slightly green*

Henchman 2: Nasty!

Henchman 3: Glad it's not me...

Henchwoman: *winces* *chews on handkerchief* Poor guy...

Henchman 2: Well, technically, he's not a 'guy' anymore now...

All Males except the Twins: *wince*

Twins: *chuckle evilly*

Henchman 5: @_X *twitches madly*

Other People in Restaurant: *wince , push away food, and dash off to the bathroom holding mouths*

Twins: ^_^

Voice from Vents: *giggles madly*

Merovingian: *glares at ceiling* What IS up there?

Persephone: *crouches under umbrella* *looks about nervously*

Twin #1: *licking hand clean of very suspicious, red liquid* Hm?

Twin #2: *poking at Henchman 5's madly twitching body* Sounds like giggling... *pokes some more* *snickers*

Merovingian: *sarcastically* How observant... Can't you two do that somewhere else? We're losing business here...

Twin #1: *glares* Do not insult us.

Twin #2: ^_^ *continues to poke Henchman 5*

Merovingian: Er.... okay... *edges away cautiously*

MEANWHILE, at the building entrance...

Morpheus: That was a quick dinner...

Trinity: *slightly green*

Neo: *hums innocently*

Morpheus: Well... let us move on! *points upwards and marches into the building*

Trinity&Neo: *follow*

Trinity: I don't feel so good...

Neo: I told you now to eat so fast...

Trinity: I know... but I wanted to get  move on... and WHY am I wearing black latex?

Neo: -_-

A minute or so later...

Neo: Nice place... *looks around*

Morpheus: *to waiter person thingie* We're here to see the Merovingian.

Trinity: *slicking hair with jar of lard hurredly*

Waiter: *raises eyebrow* Follow me. *leads them into the restaurant thingamajig*

Neo: Sweet, man... *looks around like a country bumpkin in a big city full o' lights* So many shiny things...

Morpheus: Yeah... *blinks* *stares* *shudders*

Henchman 5: *being carried away by Henchman 1 and 3* X_X

Trinity: What happened to him? *puts away lard jar and stares as well, wincing in sympathy*

Neo: I don't wanna know. Don't think I'd want to meet the person who did it to 'im, though...

Merovingian: *watches as Neo, Trinity and Morpheus approach* *rubs hands in a gleeful, evil sort of way*

Persephone: *still ducked under umbrella* *smiles in a seductively mysterious sort of way*

Neo: *blinks*

Merovingian: I've been expecting you.

Neo: Looks like it... *takes in the many scattered cards, gameboards, tic-tac-toe games, empty plates, scattered clothes, and bloody utensils* *blinks at that last* ..........

Twins: *grin evilly*

Morpheus: *glares in Morpheus fashion*

Trinity: *stands around looking.... cool, we suppose.... and greasy, do not forget greasy*

Neo: *stares darkly*

Merovingian: *smiles and stares back*

Five Minutes Later...

Neo: *stares darkly*

Merovingian: Can we get a move on now? *has a tic going on forehead*

Neo: *continues to stare darkly and blankly*

Trinity: Neo?

Persephone: Is he even there?

Morpheus: *pokes Neo*

Neo: *begins to snore*

All: *fall over anime-style*

Merovingian: *climbs to feet* THIS ISN'T THE TIME FOR A NAP! *starts babbling obviously rude words in French*

Persephone, Henchmen, Twins, Virtually anyone who can understand French: *flinch, wince, shake heads, and (in the Twins' case) laugh*

Trinity: NEO! *slaps him upside the head*

Neo: O_@ OWIE! *resumes snoring*

All: *stare in blank silence*

Merovingian: He can't be the One... can he?

Twins: *Busy attempting to help each other off the floor, which is a bit of a chore, since their laughter seems to have robbed them of all function in the legs*

Henchmen: *inch farther away from the Twins*

Morpheus: *sighs* *dangles bit of poofy, white fabric in front of Neo's face*

Neo: *snorts* *suddenly blinks awake* ^_^ *snatches white poofy thing*

Trinity: Hey... Is that my _underwear_?

Morpheus: Erm... nooooooo..... *scuttles crab-like towards the Henchmen*

Neo: *nuzzling white poofy thing, which unfortunately happen to be Trinity's panties* ^_^

Trinity: AGH! YOU PERVERT! THOSE ARE MINE! *tackles Neo a la Football-style*

Neo: O_O NOOOOOOOO!!! MY WHITE POOFY PANTIES!!! *tackled*

Twins: *rolling about on the floor, roaring with laughter*

Henchmen: *holding each other up, laughing madly*

Merovingian: *stares in utter blank disbelief*

Persephone: *humming, staring at ceiling, determined to keep a relatively straight face*

Trinity: GIVE 'EM BACK!!!

Neo: NOOOOO!!! MINE! MY PANTIES! THEY'RE MINE! 

Morpheus: *banging head against wall*

Twins: *trying, TRYING, mind you, to control mad, virtually uncontrollable laughter* *fail utterly*

In the confusion with Trinity screaming for Neo to give her back her coveted panties (somehow nabbed by ol' Morphy) whilst strangling the bloody daylights out of Neo (still madly clutching the panties), nobody seems to hear the not-so-faintly insane giggling coming from the vents, nor the rapid gunfire and explosions coming from several floors below. In all the confusion, where those who haven't left are either busy watching the spectacle or laughing like loons (like the Twins), nobody seems to notice a panel in the ceiling slide open and a pink rope drop out from it, nor the restaurant doors opening to admit a very dishevelled, very smokey-looking young man accompanied by a person with a pumpkin head.

Trinity: GIMME!

Neo: NO!

Morpheus: *has now bashed a considerable hole in the wall with head*

Merovingian: Persephone, dear? What say you to a nice, long, vacation?

Persephone: I say yes. Leave them behind though. *nods at Twins, who are busy laughing madly*

Trinity: GIMME!

Neo: *in a very strangled voice* NO! M-MY P-PANTIES!

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~

You're all going to bash me, aren't you? Yes, this is it for the chapter. Long, ain't it?

I'm afraid this may be all you'll be getting for a while. Summer is here and it's vacation time.

I'd do the reviewers thingie, but I've no time. _  Sorry. Forgive me!  

Thanks to all who reviewed! I THANK YOU!

I will be very happy if you were review this one too. Very happy indeed. I may put more Twin time in. *chuckles evilly*

Twin 1: We didn't get enough air-time...

Twin 2: We want more....

Twins: Now.

^_^' Ooookaaay.... Well, until next time. 

Ja ne


End file.
